Waiting Room

I sipped hospital coffee under florescent lights in the cardiology waiting room. I was alone save for a man pacing by the windows and a hospital employee who meticulously polished surfaces of tables where no one sat. I settled into my cold, vinyl chair in the corner and pulled my journal from my bag. As predicted, I was too preoccupied to record my thoughts on paper. So I held the pager I had been given by Eric’s cardiology team, and waited. 

I thought about the countless other times I’ve been planted in the proverbial Waiting Room—waiting for a boyfriend, a proposal, a job offer, a positive pregnancy test. And in this particular case, waiting for a cardiologist to close a hole in Eric’s heart. I crossed and uncrossed my legs and received my first page:  PROCEDURE IS STARTING, HE IS DOING GREAT. 

 

I inhaled and squeezed my eyes shut in prayer. “God, Please.” Others were praying, too; I knew it and I felt it. I almost basked in the comfort of it. Waiting, for me, has become synonymous with surrendering. Not the wave-the-white-flag kind of surrendering that leaves you listless and defeated, but the kind that yields to the bigger picture. The kind that steps to the side of the corridor and allows the Great Physician to march forward without my interference. 

If only we received direct pages from God, especially when we experienced the paralysis of waiting. What would He say? I have a few guesses. 

“I’ve got this.” 

“This hasn’t caught me by surprise.” 

“Lean into me.”

“I will put to use what I put you through.” 

I read a quote by Saint Augustine the other day. “God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.” I glanced at the hospital employee and stifled a sob at the understanding that my God cares so intensely for her—as she stacks styrofoam coffee cups and refills stir sticks. She is loved and pursued with the same intensity as my husband who was in surgery on the other side of our shared wall. 

I received my final page:  PROCEDURE IS FINISHED, WE WILL BE OUT TO GET YOU SOON. I  I exhaled prayers of thanksgiving. I waited only a few moments longer. They escorted me back to be with my whole-hearted husband.